Journaling throughout changes in your life is important. It allows you to see God in ways you couldn't see Him before. In this blog, you will see pictures from a post in 2019 followed by a reflection in my blog post on a journey through what I like to call, a wilderness season. Many of us go through or have gone through a wilderness season where we have been tested and felt like our back was against the wall. Many times, we may have felt like God forgot about us and just needed Him to move on our behalf, well this was my story and I wanted to share how even in times of uncertainty we can feel as if God just passed us by and moved on to the next but...
GOD. STILL. SEES. YOU.
A TIMELINE TESTIMONY FROM 2019
This came up on my timeline and I thought it was so fitting to share. My God!!! I am so grateful for journaling and posting my journeys through life!
This suffering was a result of me being in my own way. I took marriage into my own hands and married someone God did not ordain to be my life-long partner. I IGNORED every red flag and took it into my own hands—as a result, I went through years of suffering, and it affected not just me but my children—but in the end it taught me so much about God and myself. It allowed me to develop long-suffering, love, patience, kindness, humbleness and more.
God gave me a way out in 2018 (by this time I had checked out mentally and emotionally). Literally, I was at a place where my back was against the wall after being stripped of EVERYTHING (a home, clothes, everything. I was tired of being double minded, wavering and afraid to walk away because it became too familiar for me and I felt like I failed as a wife, a mother, a daughter, a Woman and child of God because what I chose for my own life. God had me leave everything behind. I had to walk away from all my belongings in my storage along with pictures and memories. I left with the clothes on my back and whatever I could carry. Through this transition, God told me He would restore the years for me and replace everything that was lost.
The hardest part for me was letting go of pictures of my kids and family because I knew those couldn't be replaced. Material things never fazed me because I knew those were always replaceable—but through it all, I kept serving in and OUT the 4 walls of ministry; sowing my time, talent and treasure with a smile on my face knowing the pain I went through each day and the situation I faced each day (not knowing where I would sleep with my two younger kids).
One day, towards the end of my “wilderness”, I was doing laundry at a laundromat and all I kept thinking was, “Do these people really know I’m homeless or what I’m going through? I have a car, gas in my tank, and yet, here I am homeless with my children, basically living out my car and I don’t know where the next place will be to rest our heads.” There were some people I was able to stay with for a little while but I also stayed countless days and nights at different hotels. Due to me working, there wasn't any resource I could utilize because I was told that "I made too much money". I was a middle class, separated mother of three, struggling to keep her children together and struggling to find a place to live. No money. No help, Nowhere else to turn but to GOD.
Then, I received a phone call from my Pastor as I cried folding laundry. He was calling to check in on me. He asked me, “Are you okay?” and I responded, “No Pastor, I am NOT okay! I’m tired.” He began to speak to me and encourage me but I didn’t want to hear about “Well God said”. —I was at a point where I told my own Pastor, “Pastor, I know what God said but it hasn’t happened yet. I’ve done everything and NOTHING has happened. I trusted and trusted and I AM STILL HERE! When will it be my turn? When is God going to give me and my kids our house?” I didn’t want to hear about it anymore. I just wanted God to MOVE ALREADY!
I cried and he reassured me what God said. I knew he felt every sense of my frustration and hurt while still trying to hold on. To me, at the time, I felt like it was just empty words because my situation had lasted for months and I was hurt, angry, frustrated and just TIRED—but God sent Him to reassure that He was still with me. I was completely vulnerable and trusted the wrong people—people I thought were friends. I was a mess, but God used this experience to show me the truth—His Truth! He opened my ears and my eyes to those I had around me. He used this experience to shed the “weight” of people off, he removed the veil over my eyes, and I was able to clearly see around me and to correctly compartmentalize relationships and people.
I had a good job, but I was homeless. I spent countless hours after work driving around looking for a place but...nothing. I worked but had no money—but never did I run out of gas or go hungry. Yes, times were tight, but we always had food to eat and clean clothes on our backs. I jumped from place to place; some places better than others but I was grateful we had at least somewhere to sleep for the moment. I was being accused of “breaking up the family” and being the cause of the situation that my kids and I were in. I was being lied on, name kicked in the dirt and made out to look like an insensitive monster but those who knew me knew I was walking out of bondage and leaping into freedom not just for myself but for my children and generations after them. I was told I was a coward, but God spoke louder than the noise and immediately said, “NO! You are STRONG! Walking away takes great strength."
Through it all, God always sent someone to me. One day, He sent someone who didn’t know anything about what I was facing, and she came up to me with such compassion and said, “I don’t know what you’ve been going through but my heart has been so heavy for you. I just love you and I’m praying everything will be okay.” She cried and hugged me and that BROKE ME! We just cried together—God did not allow me to release it to her that day but her compassion was enough for me. Those tears she shed with me was just the lifting that I needed—this is what you call carrying one another’s burdens. This day, because of my Sister in Christ, Khadija, my hope was restored!
GOD. DID. NOT. FORGET. ABOUT. ME.
GOD. DID. NOT. FORGET. ABOUT. YOU!
God sends His people to reassure His sons and daughters HE IS WITH US—when we let go, we let GOD BE GOD!
Listen, can I help you for a moment? People who want and need to know every detail are the ones you need to watch out for. People don’t need to know your business in detail when they are sent by God! They will be so tapped in and in tune with the Spirit and Voice of God that God will give them what to say or not say (sometimes a simple hug or cry is enough to know that God is speaking to you!) without them knowing any detail! I’ve learned when someone comes and wants to hear every “detail” they will use it as “bait” to try to reel you in. A person tapped into the Spirit of God, a true prayer warrior/intercessor doesn’t need to know your business—they just PRAY and stand in the gap of prayer. They know how to get in the face of God.
GOD IS JEHOVAH NISSI—the LORD God our Banner—He fights and wins every battle! He is the LORD God our Victory!
Don't be like me and force something God doesn't want for your life! When you do, you cause yourself unnecessary suffering. there are some people you will come across who are supposed to be there for a time and a season and others who are just distractions. I'm not sure who this is for but when we don't understand the where to place people (are they an assignment, friend, mentor, distraction) we will find ourselves doing more than what God intended. Don't enter covenant with a distraction--trust me, you will go through a major mess and others around you will be impacted! Listen, I can only speak from experience!
Be okay with being you even if it is different. It’s okay to never fit in—we were made to stand out and be set apart. We will go through loss and change but GOD IS ALWAYS WITH US and He comforts us when we need it most. In times of uncertainty, He’s all we can depend on—He is the PEACE which surpasses any and all understanding!!!
If you who have a similar story or for those who have shed tears in their lives know whatever you have need of, God will continue to meet you at your very need. Yes, at times it may feel like God has overlooked or forgotten about you, but He hasn’t!
GOD. SEES. YOU!
He knows everything you need before you even speak. All He wants you to do is Trust Him. Trust Him to remove the layers that have been piled on top of you. Trust Him to remove all the dead weight over your life others may have caused and maybe the ones you yourself may have caused. Trust that He knows what’s best for you. He knows you better than you know yourself. If/when your back is against the wall, turn it into an opportunity to reposition your grasp and hold on tighter to His unchanging hand and allow Him to change your old garments into a garment of praise! Tell your situation about who God is and let praise be your weapon of mass destruction!
NO MATTER WHERE YOU GO OR WHERE YOU ARE, GOD SEES YOU!
He will never leave you.
Stay encouraged.
Blessings,
Eliza Victoria
Be sure to listen to the prayer below.
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