The picture I attached to this blog post is a vision that God gave me years ago back in 2015 in a dream. I could not get it out of my mind until I tried to draw it. When I woke up from the dream, the vision I saw was as if it was glued to my eyes. I tried to blink to get it out, but the vision intensified. All I had was my kid’s art materials and a vision that spoke louder than anything I've ever heard or seen. There are two other pictures I drew which show a sequence of events or seasons. I drew these pictures making sure I drew it in detail even to the precise colors I saw. What I realized was when I finally came to the point of letting go of my defense mechanisms, my “its”, my own will and allowed GOD to take the wheel, no matter what I did or where I went, I know I will rise up just like the day. It's not until now where I can say that I rise unafraid because God is my hope, my faith, my solid foundation.
There's a song by Andra Day called Rise Up. This song is very inspirational, and I have been teaching my students how to dance to this song. We are preparing for a talent show at the end of the school year. When I was asked to teach praise dance, I almost cried because this is something I am very passionate about. There are times when I may not have the words to express myself, but song and dance have always been a way or form of expression for me. I didn't have a problem speaking my mind about certain things but to really express myself in a way that told my own truth of how I felt, was a challenge. I didn't ever want to seem or look vulnerable. I felt if I did, I was weak. I never wanted to let anyone into that side of me. All I knew was attack mode and defending your space. My silence was never quiet.
I remember the first time I began to minister through dance. I was so nervous and doubted myself so much, I was not in a great place mentally, physically and spiritually but one thing was for sure, I loved the LORD. I was so conditioned to masking who I was and how I really felt because I was so used to living life this way. When it came to confrontation, my impulse was to attack and defend until I slowly allowed the wrong people and things to come into my space. I began to shrink. I wanted so badly to be free from the internal battle of crying, but I didn't know how or what to say. I remember hearing the LORD tell me, "What you cannot say in words, your dance will speak." I thought about those who were deaf and couldn't speak. They could see me dance and it would speak to them. I thought to myself this was a better way for me to not seem vulnerable, but I didn't realize it slowly became the gateway to my freedom of expression.
Sometimes we can mask or cover how we feel but in dance, those internal words will become fuel for expression during dance and everyone would be able to see and be impacted through it.
I was never taught social emotional concepts or techniques growing up. I grew up in an era where you were told to be quiet and not say a word. Children were not allowed to chime in on conversations or express how they felt. It wasn't until I became a teacher and taught Pre-K where I learned about social-emotional concepts and problem-solving skills. It's amazing how critical these skills are and how imperative it is to instill these at a young age. These are life-long skills every child and every adult needs! It was challenging to teach these skills when I battled bottling things up myself. It made complete sense why my defense mechanism would be to shut down, shrink and even explode. It was like putting fifteen three-year-olds in the same room and everyone would cry, bite, kick, scream and throw themselves at the same time-just chaos! They have all these emotions and don't know how to control or properly express themselves. Think about that for a second. I spend all year with children like this, some extreme but it took all year to help them figure out to properly control these emotions. It's like storms colliding! That's exactly how I felt as an adult!
Years of workshops and hands-on training helped me to slowly break those habits off even in my own life. I took those skills and began to implement them not only in my classrooms but in my own life and in my children and I still use many of those skills and techniques with my students (young and old). Was it easy? NO! I was so conditioned by what I grew up with but one thing that always stayed with me was the ability to rise up and speak my mind.
Rising up is something that I am reminded of even when it feels like, as Andra Day sings, I'm "broken down and tired of living a life on a merry-go-round and you can't find the fighter". When I feel like this, I speak to myself and tell myself it is in me and I'm going to walk this thing out and those mountains shall move, and I will "do it a thousand times again!" I have been built to win and I will continue this race with endurance with the LORD on my side. I am built to win even when it feels like I'm in a storm. I will RISE UP high like the waves even despite the ache.
I write this to encourage every reader to let them know, "You shall rise up! Even despite the ache, despite the pain. Despite not having the right words, you shall rise. You may feel like life is like a merry-go round or you may feel like there may not be any fight left in you but guess what brother, guess what sister, I see it in you and WE gon' walk it out and take this world to its feet because you shall RISE UP, RISE LIKE THE DAY! HIGH LIKE THE WAVES even despite the ache!" Sometimes we just need to be reminded that all shall be well and today I say, All shall be well. We will walk it out because we were created to win so take heart! Jesus has conquered the world!
“I've told you all this so that trusting Me, you will be unshakable and assured, deeply at peace. In this godless world you will continue to experience difficulties. But take heart! I've conquered the world.” (John 16:33, MSG).
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