One of the most challenging things I've had to walk through is being a single mother of three teenagers. I've had many nights of tears and feeling like I could have done better and if I can be honest, times where I felt like I failed somehow, somewhere. I know I am not the only one who has felt this way and somehow, I sense that many others may be going through challenging times with their children. I've heard stories, seen people and read articles on successful co-parenting tips and I have even taken counseling sessions as well as attended parenting classes on my own but to be honest, my story has not been a picket-fence fairy tale. It's been quite the opposite.
Since 2018 I have walked by faith in this single parent life. There have been many frustrating moments and sometimes I wanted to give up, but I knew that was not the answer. If I couldn't stay and fight after everyone else walked away, who else would fight for my kids? Giving up was not and isn't an option! I have felt like two of my children have resented me and I have experienced their rebellious actions towards me from time to time. I walked out of an unhealthy relationship after many years, and I am continuing to trust and allow God to heal all of us through it. It's been uncomfortable but it has not been impossible. It's taught me in light of the absence of my children's fathers, the only place I could possibly turn is to GOD.
Trust me when I tell you, I pray, read my Bible and more and I still struggled with the fact that my ex-husband detached himself from my kids because I left him. He has shared his resentment with my children multiple times and defamed me in many ways to them and I saw that they too seemed to almost carry this resentment towards me, but I won't ever give up! I am believing God to completely heal not just him but all of us. I needed intervention. I needed help because it seemed like no matter what I tried, my kids seemed to grow farther apart from me, and I felt as if I couldn't reach them the way I used to before. It appeared my ex-husband and I would always have escalating conversations which lead to much aggravation and stress. He refused to help financially and calling him to help co-parent just was not effective. I felt completely alone in this.
As a mother, it truly hurts to see your children in pain and see them place barriers and walls up and refuse to let you into their space. There are so many factors at play such as:
1) being a teen period
2) finding their own way & discovering their own identity
3) dealing with their own emotions
4) social isolation (Covid & social distancing)
5) feeling misunderstood
6) not fitting into the "norm" and more...
I utilized resources such as the Mobile Response Unit as reinforcement and a cry for help and when I tell you, I am glad that I have not had to fight alone. I have been truly blessed even in the midst of everything! I've had the ability to be able to confide in those I am able to trust and have leaned on my Spiritual father and mother because let's face it, we can have all the help we need but without God, IT IS IMPOSSIBLE TO GET THROUGH! I am certainly not saying I have it all together because I don’t, but I can share the day I was able to redirect and change my prayers.
One day, as I cried when I faced another challenging moment with my children, with no father figure to reach them, no co-parent, I prayed, "LORD, I need YOU to be MY CO-PARENT! I don't have ANYONE else who can help me. I don't want to run to anyone else but YOU! YOU are the ONE who can change their hearts and REVEAL to them the right way to go. JESUS, I NEED YOUR HELP! I NEED YOU TO BE MY CO-PARENT JESUS!" This was a major turning point in my prayer, and it was then that I realized, the times when I needed GOD the most, I didn't run to God first when I encountered issues concerning my children. The fact that I asked God to be my CO-PARENT reassured me that He was the One I needed.
Being a single mom really has had its ups and downs but one thing I am learning is to be content with being me and doing the best that I possibly can! While I've made plenty of mistakes, I have grown to learn from them and be a better mother and woman. Praying that prayer for JESUS to be my CO-PARENT was an invitation to tell GOD that I need Him to intervene, to be the Father they need in their lives. It's taught me to be more graceful to my kids and to also stand firm on what I believe even if it appears my kids may try to challenge me.
What I stand firm in is this, I know without a doubt that my children BELONG TO GOD and He is with them even when I am not. My job as a mother is to train them right--it doesn't mean we won't make mistakes. It means we can teach them even from our mistakes and their own. There's a term which many have forgotten which says, "It takes a village to raise a child." and while I have encountered some people to disagree and many who refuse to allow others to correct their children, I hold firm to that saying. I believe it really does take a village to raise a child because I believe while my kids may not be receptive towards me now, they may listen to someone else, and I prefer it to be someone of positive influence because we cannot do this by ourselves. Listen, I've learned to pray BOLD prayers like, "Lord, may you arrest them under the POWER of the Holy SPIRIT", "May they encounter You LORD even in every drunken state, as they sleep, etc." and "LORD, tear down every idol in their hearts". As parents, we must fight for our children and what better way to fight than in prayer?
Why am I writing this? Well, I believe there might be some parents out there who have been hard on themselves such as myself, and I want to say, don't be so hard on yourself! You're doing the best that you can. Yes, being a single parent can be challenging but it's not impossible. You can be with a partner and still be a single parent! Trust and believe that God will protect them and deal with them. Allow Jesus to be your CO-PARENT. Don't look for man to fill those shoes but allow GOD to take the wheel and let go. Allow Him to be the driving force. Pray BOLD PRAYERS and trust that GOD already has it covered. Also, pray for your child's mother/father as well--after all, they are parents also. Connect yourself to healthy spiritually mature people and don't be ashamed to use counseling as a tool to help propel you through your challenging times. With GOD ALL THINGS ARE POSSIBLE.
My prayer for you today is that you continue to stand strong. As you lay your heads on your pillows each day, may it be as you're laying your heads on the Father's chest as He wraps His loving arms around you to strengthen, comfort and encourage you in the times of frustration, pain and even in times where you feel you need guidance. May He send you the help you and your children always need. May He also heal you and allow you to pray for your children's father/mother. May Jesus be your ULTIMATE CO-PARENT! In Jesus' name, Amen
May you continue to lift me in prayer as I will continue to pray for you as well.
Be encouraged!
Blessings,
Eliza
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